I'm Tired

Im tired of hearing his bullshit..

But i love hearing his voice..

Im tired of being put second..

But I'm glad Im @ least that much..

Im tired of him never being on time or not coming at all..

But all the stress goes away once he's with me..

I'm tired of him being out in the streets on hot shit

But i am thankful he hasnt got picked up yet

Im tired of worrying about what he's done in the past and if he'll start to do it again

But i am hopeful to make a future with him

Im tired of him never being here for me..to listen to me..to hold me..

But when Im bold enough to up and leave he convinces me to stay..

I'm tired of hearing he'll change over and over again..

But I fall for it when the act last a few days..

Im tired of him putting me through all this..

But i'm still crying every night cuz i know he's not treating me right..

Im tired of knowing theres someone better for me..

But i can't see them because the love i have for him covers it..

Im tired of loving him when he doesnt show the same love back..

But i sit and wait, hoping for something to happen..

Im tired of giving everything and getting nothing in return..

But once again I'm still sitting here..being tired of being tired

Finally I Realized

We were together for two years and yeah it was difficult.

i was there for you ans you were there for me.

i wouldve never thought you would hurt me. Everybody told me not to be with you but my heart was telling me something different. I was there for you when you needed someone to talk to, whenever you fall i picked you up. i gave you my all meanwhile you were giving her apart of you too. this became a shock to me because i never thought i would be sharing the person i love with someone else. i knew it was crazy when i got the first phone call. she told me she loved you and that she had you! do you know how it felt for me to hear her tell me that she had the man i love? i couldnt say anything..i was hurt..angry.. i felt decieved. Something told me i wasnt your "one and only" but i didnt want to believe it. All the signs were there but as always i was blinded by the imintation of "Love". I thought if I gave you what you needed you would give me what i needed. But as usual i was wrong..I took the blinders of love off and i finally realized that i deserve better. I derserve to have someone truly love me for me! Today i stand strong and tell you that yes i was in a relationship where i felt as though this is what i wanted but i had to put my "wants" aside and started focusing on what i DESERVED. I deserve someone who was going to by my side and not lie, i deserve to be with someone i can trust, i deserve somone who can be honest.. I DESERVE someone who's going to love me!

???Questions???

You told me that nothings worth having if your not gona fight for it.. you were right BUT i have some questions.. What if your constantly getting hurt? What if what your partner tells you things that is a lie? Then What? Fight For it? umm, i dont know about that. Ppl say things happen for a reason but to me things happen because ppl make things happen. Im in love with someone who i think is in love with me, he tells me im his everything and im his one and only but how do i really know if this is true?? well truth be told i dont know, but all i do know is watevr he tells me i believe..is that wrong? as you can see i have alot of questions that no one is willing to answer..yes im confused, yes i do want this relationship, but no i dont wanna get hurt, and no i dont wanna be running around not knowing.. not knowing whats going on, not knowing if im loved or not.. I just need to know. You may think your in love but your not. Please dont fall into the trap that i have fallen into, bcuz trust me...it hurts.

I Still Sing His Song

I face the world with a smile, no one knows what is hid inside.They see only happiness, they cant see the tears I've cried.When I am alone I hurt, because here I do it well.In front of all the watchful eyes my heaven turns to hell.The judge and jury awaits me, everyone has a say.In a life that hangs suspended for yet another day.Who are they to judge if what I have done is right or wrong?In the end I gave him up, but inside still sing his song.I don't know how to find the strength I thought I had.If only I could play tough it wouldn't be so bad.They say that life goes on and someday I'll smile again.But, how do they know my pain without being where I've been?I've traveled so far from home, and can't find my way back.Somewhere along the way I must have jumped the track.I saw him just today and his smile is still the same.He looked at me so sweetly, but never spoke my name.I wonder if he remembers me, It hasn't been that long.He may have forgotten me, but I still sing his song.